The Same

I'm a private tutor now. I have a student who, to be honest, is stubborn. He is not really good in language arts, especially in making sentences and answering completely. So, his mom, naturally, asked me to teach him how to be good at them.

It is not an easy job to teach him because he tends to do things his own way. When I told him how to answer, he said," Miss, you're wrong. It will make me answer incorrectly." I was quite irritated, not because he said that, but because of his attitude. I was there trying to tell him the right way, but there he was - trying to repeat his mistakes. I said, "Trust me!", but he acted as if he hadn't heard it. I was tired and it had been almost 2 hours. So, I shut my mouth and just watched him went his own way.

On the road, I was thinking: perhaps that's how I act towards God. I act as if I know the right thing, when actually I know nothing at all. I prayed that I may have a humble and teachable heart

Safe and Sound

Seseorang sedang melakukan perjalanan. Perjalanannya bukanlah perjalanan yang mudah. Namun dia terus berjalan tanpa henti karena dia tahu apa yang menantinya di depan. Waktu pun berlalu. Ada banyak tempat yang sudah dia lalui. Lembah, turunan tajam, hutan, sungai, serta pendakian yang sulit.

Tiba-tiba dia mendapati kenyataan bahwa untuk meneruskan perjalanannya, satu-satunya hal yang dapat ia lakukan adalah menuruni tebing curam.Ia mencari-cari peralatan yang dibawanya di dalam tas. Tak ia temui satu pun yang bisa membantunya menuruni tebing dengan aman.

Untuk kembali dan tidak meneruskan perjalanan adalah hal yang tidak masuk akal. Tapi untuk melanjutkan pun merupakan hal yang tidak masuk akal. Jalan buntu! Ia terjepit pada dua pilihan yang sama-sama sulit dan beresiko.

Ia melongok ke bawah dan melihat laut yang tenang dan biru kehijauan di bawah sana. Suara hatinya berkata," Terjunlah! Laut itu aman." Namun otaknya berkata," Carilah alternatif lain!" Ia memandang sekelilingnya. Dilihatnya jalan kecil yang tertutup kerimbunan semak. Kedua sisi jalan itu diapit jurang. Saat dia hendak melangkah ke jalan itu untuk melihat kemungkinan bisa atau tidaknya jalan itu, hatinya diliputi keraguan. "Inikah jalan yang harus kuambil? Ataukah aku harus melompat?" Setelah ragu selama beberapa saat, ia memutuskan untuk....terjun. Ya, terjun! Tak peduli apa anggapan orang bila mendengar ceritanya, tak dipedulikannya beberapa orang di belakangnya yang menatapnya dengan penuh rasa heran saat melihatnya berbalik dan menuju tebing.

Ia pun mengambil ancang-ancang..dan terjun bebas ke lautan luas yang siap memeluknya. Ia tahu bahwa terjun adalah satu-satunya jalan yang aman untuknya sekalipun terlihat gila dan tak masuk akal.

"It's a free fall to the embrace of the super-strong-all-knowing God. I'll be safe and sound in His arms. He will not let my faith be mocked for His name's sake."

Conquering

" I am very proud of you... 

Of all the 5 students I mentored, you are my pride."
Not because I got the best score or the best graduate. 

Just because I conquered myself. 

I outdid myself.

Dilemma

It's been a while, but I chose to push it aside. Yet, the longer I'm here, the more pressure I feel. The peak was when somebody complained.. and that was my turning point. I no longer hold back my emotions and feelings. I feel like being in a place I don't belong anymore, so uncomfortable and depressing.

I know that I have to put these burdens down, but I've been carrying them since forever that I don't know how to put them down and throw them away. It's been a part of me, if you know what I mean.

I have 2 options and 2 consequences: taking the easy way out and I won't learn anything or the hard way out. and I learn something very valuable.I wish I dare to take the easy way out, but as usual - the ideal side of me says not to; while at the same time, the other part of me just wanna give up. Gosh!!! Me and my ideals!!!

When idealism clashes with others' opinion...

i'm learning how to understand others' opinion. learning to put myself in their shoes. learning to humbly see my way objectively.

before it became big i confessed Psalm 121 and 34 plus Hebrews 12.

i wanna shout it out loud, wanna declare that the Lord i worship is GREAT and MARVELOUS!!! all credit goes to Him.