It's Just A Winding Road, Not A Dead-End

It is a broad daylight. I am walking with my best friend. He is always with me wherever I go. He is forever faithful and forever dependable. He is taking me to a certain destination. Actually, he had already given me clue of what kind of place it will be. Since I don't know the way, he wants to accompany me to get there. I am starting the journey and walking the journey with a great anticipation. I just can't wait to get there, but the road we are taking seems without end.

Along the way, there are a lot of people with various backgrounds and views. We are greeted and have a chat here and there. They are asking where we will go. When they get the answer, their responses are also different from one another.

Some say,"But that's a dead-end. You can't possibly go that way."
Another says,"Oh, your journey is worth the while."
Still the others say,"Think again if you want to take this journey. It's very risky and takes a lot of your time!"

I am looking at my best friend, my eyes are full of questions. My best friend sees me in a confused state of mind, only smiles to me and says,"It's not a dead-end. This is the way. Trust me, Deb. It won't take long, it's just...around the corner."

We have not yet arrived to the place right now, but I have made up my mind. I will trust my best friend no matter what the world will say to me. They may call me silly, or naive, or whatever.. I just believe that my best friend knows the best.

In the end, this journey is only about my best friend; so, only his opinion that matters. I am learning to trust his excellent sense of direction. Noone else's opinion matters.

Anyway, I can't close my eyes towards those who have been very supportive. This post is a credit for you. Thank you for being there =)

I've Got Nothing To Lose

"What if God asked you to stop? For me, if He had asked you to build school, opened the way, gave you promises that He'll take you there; and then, He asked you to stop....well....He's cruel."'s His prerogative

"No, He isn't. It's His prerogative."

"Abraham was promised to have descendants as much as stars and sands; yet, at the end of his life, he only had 1 son. He didn't see the promise fulfilled. Is God cruel? He fulfilled His promise to Abraham, but Abraham didn't see it it in real. I believe he had seen it with his faith."

"Moses was sent to redeem his people. God told him not to enter Canaan. He was only called to take his people out of Egypt."

"Building a school is not my dream. It's his dream that's planted in my heart. If He asked me to stop, it's okay with me. I only do His dream, walk in His dream. I've got nothing to lose. Maybe He only asked me to prepare, maybe He only asked me to study so I can help others who has the same vision... I don't know. But, I've got nothing to lose."

Above conversation was between my sister, her husband, and me several months ago.

My Faith, His Dream

It's my faith, His dream

Yes, I Am

...walking in His great favor and grace.

About my study. Yes, I'm the one who'll study. I might be a teacher, but still...I'm a learner :)

I've been longing to build a good school for those who can't pay much. A school that offers a good education for its students. It will be started from playgroup (pre-kindergarten). It's a kind of social work, to be honest. And....my parents haven't 100% agree with my dream.

Last month I heard a "briefing" about a higher education which offer lessons that I need to build my school. The tuition fee for 1,5 year is quite much, but I can pay it from my salary and savings.

Anyway, life is not a highway. I had to deal with my parents' approval. I know it's my life, my money...but still, they're my parents. And they have every rights to know what I'm doing with my life. So, I told them (I've told my mom about my dream). Guess what? They don't really agree.

The next storm I faced was the money. At the first time, I was so sure they'll charge me group-tuition-fee. But, I learnt that I'd be charged personal-tuition-fee. It meant I had to spend 3 million Rp more, and I couldn't afford it.

And I was thinking: "Allrite, Lord...If You don't want me to take that education now, it's OK with me. It's Your dream anyway that You plant in my heart."

Then...my friends, who also want to learn more about it, told me that finally we'll be charged group-tuition-fee PLUS maybe our school's foundation is willing to pay for us cash (of course we have to pay it back to them). It means, my expense for studying will be lower than what I predicted.

The next wonderful thing is...my Daddy said that he'll pay for my study!!!! Do you know what it means??? It means I got my parents' approval!!!! Hahahahahaha...I'm so happy and excited.

Magister Manajemen Pendidikan....Here I cooooooommmmeee!!!! (^~^)/"

I'm Walking

in His grace and favor.

I'm Back!!!

Our God is a God that follows. Have you felt His presence through the kindness of a stranger? Through a word well spoken, or a touch well timed, have you sensed Him?
He uses all His power to convince me that He is who He is, and He can be trusted to lead me home.
(Max Lucado)

Yes, He follows me wherever I go, on every turn of the road, down the valley, up the mountain, even off road. I know He can be trusted to lead me to the fulfillment of my dream.

January 10, 2010 once more He convinced me of my dream (yang lagi mati suri) through my pastor. I was left speechless at His amazing way of bringing me back on track after 6 months going off road. The dream He gives is to build a generation that fears the Lord and living in His Kingdom’s principles by building a good school for the dont-haves.

That night, as I thought about it, I couldn’t stop crying and all I could say was “Thank You”. He amazed me once more. This year is going to be a great year of walking with Him in faith, in line with the verse I got at Christmas:

Happy are those who follow his commands, who obey him with all their heart. They never do wrong; they walk in the LORD's ways.
Psalms 119.2-3
(Good News Bible)

To live according to His law, following His commands and obeying Him, I’m going to need Him everywhere I go. To be such a person, to have that kind of dream, the world might see me cynically and pessimistically. Thank God, He surrounds me with His presence that arising boldness within me to face whatever comes my way.

And yesterday morning, the verse for the day was taken from my favorite Psalms, that’s Psalms 139. It says that He follows me and I can never avoid His Spirit. He works through anything for my sake, to draw me close to Him, to give me strength day by day. To achieve the dream, I can’t rely on my strength or I’ll fail. I need Him, so it’s wonderfully awesome if He follows me everywhere I go.

His hand is upon me, He’s all around me on every side. His power protects me, and so does His anointing. If so, what should I worry or fear about? It’ll be ridiculous to worry and fear after knowing that God of the universe is with me. Whatever I need is being provided abundantly! Amen!! ^^

Asa

Kuletakkan asaku pada
tangan Sang Penjunan.
Kulabuhkan anganku
pada kota bentengku.

Kala harapku membubung tinggi
biarlah kasih setiaMu yang
membuat kakiku tetap
berjejak di gunung batu.

Bila ketakutan menghadang dan
keraguan menyergapku,
Kau menembus kegelapanku dengan
cercah cahaya pengharapan.

The Anchor of Hope

If only it were as simple as the fairy tales...

From time to time I'm tossed to and fro
by the wind of uncertainty, worry , and fear.

I throw the Anchor of Hope
which saves me,keeping me still.

The wind wheezes and swirls around me
but I won't be shaken.

My soul sings a new song,
blesses the Anchor of Hope.

It is my only Hope
in the midst of blowing wind.

I yield all my wishes and desires,
my heart and mind to You, Sovereign Lord.

I bring them all
into submission to Your will.

Shines Through

In the darkness of uncertainty
You are my light of hope,
my SUN and shield.
And the darkness shines
as the day.
Darkness and light
are the both alike
to You.

I marvel at
the work of Your hands
My lips shall praise
Your wonderful thoughts
and ways
For my soul knows that
very well

The Journey

We drove to a place. A place my dad wanted us to go. He didn’t mention really clear where, though. He just gave me some hints, and I grasped a picture of it in my mind. I was so excited to go with him to the place. Moreover, the weather is good for traveling. It was a sunny day. I enjoyed the journey with my dad. We talked about a lot of things while he was driving.

Now, the way he drove made me impatient. As I’ve mentioned before that iIwas so excited. I hardly could wait to get to the place, while my dad was driving slowly, enjoying everything. Practically everything!!

“Dad? Can I drive the car?”
“Why?”
“So that you can rest.” Besides, I can drive faster than you, Daddy.
“Are you sure? Do you know which way to go?”
“There are signs, aren’t there? Besides, you’re here with me, there’s no way we lost. You can direct me.”

So, we pulled over and changed seat. Daddy was on the passenger seat, and I was on the driver seat. Nervously I drove the car. I’ve been driving before. It was not a new thing for me. However, he was never with me when I drove. And now he was here, and I got nervous. The second reason was I’ve never been driving out of town. So, this was my first time. Another reason was the weather got cloudy. The heaven was heavy with water, ready to pour it out.

I called my friends to let them know that I’m on a journey with my dad. Dad and I still talked, but the conversation didn’t flow well as when dad was driving. I focused on the road and signs. There were so many signs which could lead us there, made me confused. Drops of water started to pour lightly on the earth. In just a moment, the heavens could no longer hold the rain. It rained hard. And we talked less and less. I no longer enjoyed the journey. When he tried to talk to me, I mumbled my answers. I was trying hard to see the road and signs thru the rain which blurred my vision.

After hours of silence, which seemed like forever, Daddy broke it.
“…”
“Huh? Did you say something, Dad?”
“…”
“What did you say, Dad?”
“…”
“Daddy, I didn’t hear you…, “ frustratedly I told him.
“Come closer, honey.”
“Dad, you’re talking nonsense! I AM close to you. Besides, how far is my seat from yours?”
“Closer, honey.”
“Dad…I’m driving, how can I be closer to you if I’m driving?”
“Stop the car, then, sweetheart.”
“Dad…I really want to get there as soon as possible. And I am trying to get there thru this rain.”
“You can’t see very well thru this rain, hon,”he reminded me gently.
“Well, I have you here to help me see…,” I trailed off.
“Let me drive the car, sweetie. I know the way, I am familiar with these roads. I can drive us there even with my eyes closed. Rain can’t blur my vision. This journey might take longer time, but you can enjoy it. We can still talk and you can lean on me. You can put your head on my shoulder while I’m driving. What do you think? I know that you’re tired.”
Exhaling, I said,“Let’s pull over. You know it from the very beginning, don’t you, Dad? You know that I’m going to get tired of driving. You know that I shouldn’t drive this car. But you let me anyway, to make me realize that what I need is enjoying the journey with you, instead of getting to the destination. Lavish every single moment I have with you, and let you drive. Afterall, you know where it is we’re going to, while I don’t.”

So, we pulled over once more. He patted my head and smiled at me. He said,”Trust me, sweetheart. Trust me. There’ll be times when we must stop for some good reasons, but we’ll continue our journey. Just enjoy it. Then, without realizing it, we’ll get there.” With that he embraced me. Oh, I’ve forgotten how relaxing was his embrace, so that I could find my rest in his arms.

We changed seat and Dad looked at me with a smile in his eyes, asking,” Are you ready?”
“Yes, I am, Dad,” I looked at him and smiled. Fully understood that the most important thing was the time spent with him thru the journey.

No matter where he takes me or where we are going to stop, as long as he is the one who drives, I won’t lost. He knows. Yeah, he knows where to go. And I am safe with him. All that matter is him, and only him.

I won’t say that I’m flowing with the current, but I want to let him decide what’s best for me. I want to give him liberty to take me anywhere he wants. I’m so positive that he’ll never let me alone just by myself. Though I’m clueless about my whereabouts and where we’re going, I just want to enjoy every moment of this journey with him.

So, this is another new start for me. Perhaps, in the future I’ll be in another clueless situation as today and get confused, but he’ll remind me of this valuable experience. I’m so sure of that.

Show Me Your Way

Show me Your way
that I may walk with You
Show me Your way
I put my hope in You

The cry of my heart
is to love You more
To live with
the touch of Your hand
Stronger each day

Show me Your way

Which Way?

My choices actually are not only two. I have several, and I have no idea what to take.
Clueless... Don't know for sure. I've lost my map and now I'm lost...