The Same

I'm a private tutor now. I have a student who, to be honest, is stubborn. He is not really good in language arts, especially in making sentences and answering completely. So, his mom, naturally, asked me to teach him how to be good at them.

It is not an easy job to teach him because he tends to do things his own way. When I told him how to answer, he said," Miss, you're wrong. It will make me answer incorrectly." I was quite irritated, not because he said that, but because of his attitude. I was there trying to tell him the right way, but there he was - trying to repeat his mistakes. I said, "Trust me!", but he acted as if he hadn't heard it. I was tired and it had been almost 2 hours. So, I shut my mouth and just watched him went his own way.

On the road, I was thinking: perhaps that's how I act towards God. I act as if I know the right thing, when actually I know nothing at all. I prayed that I may have a humble and teachable heart

Safe and Sound

Seseorang sedang melakukan perjalanan. Perjalanannya bukanlah perjalanan yang mudah. Namun dia terus berjalan tanpa henti karena dia tahu apa yang menantinya di depan. Waktu pun berlalu. Ada banyak tempat yang sudah dia lalui. Lembah, turunan tajam, hutan, sungai, serta pendakian yang sulit.

Tiba-tiba dia mendapati kenyataan bahwa untuk meneruskan perjalanannya, satu-satunya hal yang dapat ia lakukan adalah menuruni tebing curam.Ia mencari-cari peralatan yang dibawanya di dalam tas. Tak ia temui satu pun yang bisa membantunya menuruni tebing dengan aman.

Untuk kembali dan tidak meneruskan perjalanan adalah hal yang tidak masuk akal. Tapi untuk melanjutkan pun merupakan hal yang tidak masuk akal. Jalan buntu! Ia terjepit pada dua pilihan yang sama-sama sulit dan beresiko.

Ia melongok ke bawah dan melihat laut yang tenang dan biru kehijauan di bawah sana. Suara hatinya berkata," Terjunlah! Laut itu aman." Namun otaknya berkata," Carilah alternatif lain!" Ia memandang sekelilingnya. Dilihatnya jalan kecil yang tertutup kerimbunan semak. Kedua sisi jalan itu diapit jurang. Saat dia hendak melangkah ke jalan itu untuk melihat kemungkinan bisa atau tidaknya jalan itu, hatinya diliputi keraguan. "Inikah jalan yang harus kuambil? Ataukah aku harus melompat?" Setelah ragu selama beberapa saat, ia memutuskan untuk....terjun. Ya, terjun! Tak peduli apa anggapan orang bila mendengar ceritanya, tak dipedulikannya beberapa orang di belakangnya yang menatapnya dengan penuh rasa heran saat melihatnya berbalik dan menuju tebing.

Ia pun mengambil ancang-ancang..dan terjun bebas ke lautan luas yang siap memeluknya. Ia tahu bahwa terjun adalah satu-satunya jalan yang aman untuknya sekalipun terlihat gila dan tak masuk akal.

"It's a free fall to the embrace of the super-strong-all-knowing God. I'll be safe and sound in His arms. He will not let my faith be mocked for His name's sake."

Conquering

" I am very proud of you... 

Of all the 5 students I mentored, you are my pride."
Not because I got the best score or the best graduate. 

Just because I conquered myself. 

I outdid myself.

Dilemma

It's been a while, but I chose to push it aside. Yet, the longer I'm here, the more pressure I feel. The peak was when somebody complained.. and that was my turning point. I no longer hold back my emotions and feelings. I feel like being in a place I don't belong anymore, so uncomfortable and depressing.

I know that I have to put these burdens down, but I've been carrying them since forever that I don't know how to put them down and throw them away. It's been a part of me, if you know what I mean.

I have 2 options and 2 consequences: taking the easy way out and I won't learn anything or the hard way out. and I learn something very valuable.I wish I dare to take the easy way out, but as usual - the ideal side of me says not to; while at the same time, the other part of me just wanna give up. Gosh!!! Me and my ideals!!!

When idealism clashes with others' opinion...

i'm learning how to understand others' opinion. learning to put myself in their shoes. learning to humbly see my way objectively.

before it became big i confessed Psalm 121 and 34 plus Hebrews 12.

i wanna shout it out loud, wanna declare that the Lord i worship is GREAT and MARVELOUS!!! all credit goes to Him.

It's Just A Winding Road, Not A Dead-End

It is a broad daylight. I am walking with my best friend. He is always with me wherever I go. He is forever faithful and forever dependable. He is taking me to a certain destination. Actually, he had already given me clue of what kind of place it will be. Since I don't know the way, he wants to accompany me to get there. I am starting the journey and walking the journey with a great anticipation. I just can't wait to get there, but the road we are taking seems without end.

Along the way, there are a lot of people with various backgrounds and views. We are greeted and have a chat here and there. They are asking where we will go. When they get the answer, their responses are also different from one another.

Some say,"But that's a dead-end. You can't possibly go that way."
Another says,"Oh, your journey is worth the while."
Still the others say,"Think again if you want to take this journey. It's very risky and takes a lot of your time!"

I am looking at my best friend, my eyes are full of questions. My best friend sees me in a confused state of mind, only smiles to me and says,"It's not a dead-end. This is the way. Trust me, Deb. It won't take long, it's just...around the corner."

We have not yet arrived to the place right now, but I have made up my mind. I will trust my best friend no matter what the world will say to me. They may call me silly, or naive, or whatever.. I just believe that my best friend knows the best.

In the end, this journey is only about my best friend; so, only his opinion that matters. I am learning to trust his excellent sense of direction. Noone else's opinion matters.

Anyway, I can't close my eyes towards those who have been very supportive. This post is a credit for you. Thank you for being there =)

Hello there!!

Hello :) How are things, guys?

Copy Paste Generation

Do you agree with me that this is a generation of copy-paste?
Technology made it so easy. Dan disadari ataupun tidak, kita jadi terbawa. Gaya hidup kita juga jadi copy-paste...pengennya instan, cepet, g susah.

Apalagi zaman internet kayak sekarang, apa-apa gampang aja didownload. Copy dari website, paste di komputer atw laptop. Mudah...just some clicks away (krn g bs hanya dlm satu klik).

Gaya dan model baju artis ditiru... bahkan kadang mpe g nyadar kl bentuk tubuhnya beda (alias J  _ _ _ _ )

Aku ini mw ngomong kl d komputer copy paste memang mempercepat kerja (selama bukan plagiat ya sah2 aj), tp kl d kehidupan kita budaya copy paste g da gunanya....malah merusak. Liat aj orang2 yg pengen kaya dg cepat, apapun dikerjain. Hasilnya? Runyam!! Berita2 d TV tuh buktinya.

Emas dan berlian itu barang mahal krn uda melewati proses yg bikin mereka murni.

Ayo, dipilih dipilih ...

Bongkahan yang mirip kodok itu emas lho. Kalo dikasih mentahan banget kaya gitu aku pasti mikir2 deh. Tapi kl dikasih yg kuning2 berkilau itu masih boleh lah. Paling g harga jual lbh tinggi soalnya uda diproses.

carbon dan berlian cuma beda struktur kimia, tp molekul penyusunnya sama

Mau carbon atw arang? Kl mau bikin sate atw barbeque y pilih arang, tp kl buat pemanis leher, jari, lengan, telinga, kepala (bahkan sepatu dan baju) y jelas berlian lah.. Mana ada orang pake hiasan arang untuk k pesta atw kl pas nikah? (kecuali mw jadi trendsetter arang sebagai perhiasan). 

Harga arang dan berlian, bahkan orang yang buta huruf aj tw, mana yg lbh mahal. Bedanya dimana? Struktur yang berbeda, proses yang berbeda.

Aku siy pengennya jadi berlian bukan arang (apalagi calonarang).

So... Jesus, help me to embrace difficulties and problems with joy. 

Not running from it, but facing it gentlemanly. 

What about you?

Responsibility

Just a word...but its meaning is very great. Easily said, but hardly done.

Many people don't realize that they have responsibility. They merely know their rights and hold on to them; while, at the same time, ignoring their responsibility. 

Many people know how to drive, know that they have rights to drive on the roads; yet, many of them don't realize that they must drive responsibly.

For example:
Many don't realize that safety belt and helmet is their responsibility if they're on the road.
Many don't realize that becak, bicycles, motorbikes, and cars have the same responsibility to obey the rules (traffic signs).

Those are just two simple examples which are oblivious to many of us.

If only we're honest enough to realize that we are held responsible toward others' safety on the roads.
If only we're humble enough to say,"That's me. I'm sorry."
If only we're brave enough to start changes.

Train Station

I chose to take this train.
At first it moved slowly
Then it went faster
and faster
and faster
My heart beats faster too
Fear grips my heart

I want to stop the train
but I couldn't
I can only wait for it to stop
at the next station

I have no idea
whether I'll wait at the station
or take a train to come back
at the previous stop
and start all over again slowly.

The Confession of Bee

I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell.  I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains---but if I have no love, I am nothing.  I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned ---but if I have no love, this does me no good.

(1 Corinthians 13.1-3)

How true what Paul said to the Corinthians. I experienced it first hand last year. I did everything merely because of duty. Because I have to. I even kept hatred in my heart. I hid it so well. Not one soul knew it, but me...and God. Never before I hated someone that much, or felt like a hypocrite.

I still talked to that person, trying to be nice. But I wore my mask everytime I was with that particular person. So much of a hypocrite!

And during Youth Christmas Celebration, I gave my testimony about how I've tasted God's kindness and favor. Can you imagine that? Giving an impression that everything ran well and smooth. 

After the sermon, I came to God. Torn. Felt worthless. I asked for His forgiveness, and He gave it to me for FREE. Thank You, Jesus :)

Ever Try to Define LOVE?

Love is true. Love is painful. Love is not easy. Love can be messy. Love is powerful. Love can change you. Love is difficult. Love is commitment. Love is what hate is not. Love learns. Love always listens. Love doesn’t hold onto the wrongs. Love overlooks the sin. Love looks into the heart. Love can be gained. Love can be lost. Love is possible. Love forgives, every time. Love doesn’t lie. Love is always worth a try. Love makes you laugh. Love makes you cry. Love hurts so bad. Love can’t be explained, but love can be felt. Love knows. Love is unconditional. Love accepts you just the way you are. Love protects, defends and fights to the end. Love prefers. Love will sacrifice all for the sake of another. Love is not afraid. Love is full of courage. Love begins with God, then it starts with you. Love takes time. Love doesn’t make sense sometimes. Love is beautiful. Love can be ugly. Love shows kindness. Love is not blind, love sees. Love is compassion. Love can be desperate. Love is discovered when you are broken. Love is in the little things. Love is caught in the most unseen moments. Love is deep, never shallow. Love lends a hand. Love feeds the hungry. Love doesn’t think of itself first, but always others. Love doesn’t demand it’s rights. Love trusts. Love lets go. Love doesn’t blame others. Love takes responsibility. Love doesn’t hold grudges. Love doesn’t compare. Love always believes. Love is risky. Love is worth taking the risk even if it means being hurt. Love is a lesson. Love is all we have. Love feels. Love is distant. Love is close. Love is in every heart. Love dreams. Love encourages. Love is crazy. Love makes you do crazy ridiculous things. Love sucks. Love is a drug. Love is everything. Love bleeds. Love was hung on a cross for all our sins. Love doesn’t see fault. Love gives you what you don’t deserve. Love hates. Love loves. Love is madness. Love is lonely sometimes. Love speaks. Love is silent. Love is loud. Love is discipline. Love is uncomfortable. Love is humble. Love enjoys. Love has fun. Love eats. Love sleeps. Love is an adventure. Love brings peace. Love doesn’t judge. Love embraces. Love gives big hugs. Love smiles. Love dances. Love is always down to help. Love is there for you when you need it the most. Love cares. Love is alive. Love is full of tears. Love makes the heart heavy, like right now. Love will heal with time. Love doesn’t need an answer every time. Love prays. Love hopes. Love never ever gives up. Love is repentant. Love is sorry. Love gets back up again. Love tries. Love pushes you to your limits. Love is scary. Love doesn’t work out always. Love can teach you a good lesson. Love is better than lust. Love gives everything it has. Love doesn’t hold back. Love is not cheap, but costly. Love is a choice. Love is not forced. Love doesn’t take advantage. Love respects. Love always seeks for the best interest of others. Love is giving up what you want, for the wants of another. Love is a promise unbroken. Love is your word. Love doesn’t play games. Love is serious. Love isn’t learned in a day, but learned in a lifetime. Love will make you get on your knees. Love waits. Love moves on. Love is hard. Love is generous. Love kills. Love brings life. Love doesn’t point the finger. Love looks within. Love always wins. Love grows. Love is example. Love is faithful. Love is understanding. Love is full of grace. Love is truth. Love gives roses. Love is finer than wine. Love is found in Paris. Love is lost in life. Love is creative & love creates. Love is a struggle. Love comes and love goes. Love gets mad. Love sometimes yells. Love is brutal. Love is affection. Love transforms. Love is sex done God’s way. Love is pure like a newborn baby. Love is childish. Love is mature. Love is being yourself. Love is loving yourself. Love can. Love is freedom. Love is radical. Love is rad. Love can lead to war. Love will defend the poor. Love is just. Love always does what is right. Love is coming clean. Love is new every morning. Love is there every night, you just have to look for it. Love is in the darkness. Love shines like the dawn. Love is warm. Love is cold too. Love repents. Love is willing to change. Love does what is necessary. Love doesn’t just talk, it walks. Love can feel like a jail cell. Love comes in different forms is expressed in different ways. Love is a language. Love serves. Love is quality time. Love is a gift. Love is heard. Love is physical, don’t be afraid to touch. Love plans. Love is also spontaneous. Love is a surprise. Love is wise. Love can be learned in every life experience good or bad. Love makes the heart happy. Love can’t be taken away, unless you let it. Love is something else. Love doesn’t focus on self. Love is God. Yes, God is love. Love yourself, then you can love others. Love is a golden rule for life. Love is life. Love is family. Love is true friends who love you not for what you can do, but for who you are. Love is what we were created for. Love is big. Love is not noticed. Love is stealth. Love is all around. Love is a song. Love is a presence. Love is worship. Love gives glory. Love always has a story to tell. Love looks like Jesus. Love doesn’t always feel good, but it is good. Love is fearless & faith-full. Love is drama haha. Love takes two. Love is infinite. Love forgets. Love is not full of itself. Love is not addicted, love is self controlled. Love hates evil. Love will not boast or brag. Love is the kindest person you will ever meet. Love is real. Love keeps it real. Love is truthful, it doesn’t beat around the bush. Love is in the eyes. Love can be painful to look at. Love makes priority. Love is not the shape of a heart, love is in the form of a cross. Love isn’t a job. Love isn’t a project. Love just is. Love is who we are, love is what we do, love is perfect even though we are not perfect. Love knows no excuses. Love doesn’t live a lie. Love is a raging fire that can’t be contained, neither explained. Love is worth it all, love gives it all, love is all I want, love is all I need. Love is everything to me. Love I’m still learning. Love I’m still failing. Love you force me to keep going, even when I mess up. Love messed me up. Love is simple & complicated all at the same time. Love is tiring. Love also energizes. Love is up. Love is down. Love makes your heart pound. Love is magical. Love is passionate. Love hurts like hell. Love can feel like heaven. Love makes mistakes. Love is failing, but learning to try again. Love is willing to suffer. Love is willing to lose it all to gain it all. Love is death. Love is resurrection. Love is to die for. Love I could keep going, but I will stop here. Just love.

I took it from here. Visit it and be blessed :)

Thank you for loving me so much ;)

Really???

I get this from my friend. Check out her blog :) and try the test here.

debora rahmawati adiwidjaja
20/09/1979

You are Gold Pegasus, who is extremely cheerful and seems like a very open person.
You can show consideration to others, and have a good sense of humor.
You are also a person who doesn't want to loose.
However, you can be very temperamental, and can suddenly become optimistic, and next minute you are very pessimistic.
You look for fancy atmosphere in daily life, but you know that is only to cover up for your own dissatisfaction and discontent.
You possess unworldly bilateral character (what does it mean???)
You have very unique personality, and people who like you and those who don't are clearly divided.
You tend to be audacious, but you must be careful when you use it.
Because Gold Pegasus people tend to be divided into those who exhibit great talent and those who can go stray from the right path.
Unlike your confident attitude, you are rather too nervous, sensitive and can easily change or give up your objectives.
Your natural instinct is fabulous, and you have a passionate personality.
You tend to lead life with lots of emotional ups and downs. (No way! No longer living my old life)
You dislike being restricted, and prefer to enjoy freedom, and this will not change even after you get married.
Therefore there is a chance of you getting divorced. (No way!!!)

Statements which are bolded means they're not true. The statements which are bolded, underlined, and italicized means they're really describing me :)

Christmas This Year

The Christmas message I get from my hometown is from 1 Kings 19.5-7.
From the whole thing the preacher said...I only grasps: "Get up and eat! Get up and eat some more--you've got a long journey ahead of you." (Very in sync with the my yearly verse I got at Surabaya--> James 1.25).

Yes, the journey for my dream (and maybe my lovelife) is still long (in our timing; but not in God's timing). So, I need to get up and eat.

Get up earlier in the morning and eat an omer of manna (meditating God's words diligently and do it).

But who so looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

The Hatters

Mom, look what Bebe do to me!

 That's the little one (above), and this is my sister (below).

Bebe...my mom is feeding me..Leave her alone!

 This is my prince XD when I was walking around Pasar Atom with friends, I happened to see the cute hat (is it Lilo or is it Stitch?). I remember this little-cute prince, so I bought it for him. Unfortunately, he doesn't like hats. I made him wear the hat :P

Bebe, should I wear this hat?

Christmas ^^

Christmas there, casual

Christmas here, gypsy

I've Got Nothing To Lose

"What if God asked you to stop? For me, if He had asked you to build school, opened the way, gave you promises that He'll take you there; and then, He asked you to stop....well....He's cruel."'s His prerogative

"No, He isn't. It's His prerogative."

"Abraham was promised to have descendants as much as stars and sands; yet, at the end of his life, he only had 1 son. He didn't see the promise fulfilled. Is God cruel? He fulfilled His promise to Abraham, but Abraham didn't see it it in real. I believe he had seen it with his faith."

"Moses was sent to redeem his people. God told him not to enter Canaan. He was only called to take his people out of Egypt."

"Building a school is not my dream. It's his dream that's planted in my heart. If He asked me to stop, it's okay with me. I only do His dream, walk in His dream. I've got nothing to lose. Maybe He only asked me to prepare, maybe He only asked me to study so I can help others who has the same vision... I don't know. But, I've got nothing to lose."

Above conversation was between my sister, her husband, and me several months ago.

My Faith, His Dream

It's my faith, His dream

Beequote

If love is only given half-heartedly, it's not love at all.

I've never felt this way before. What I do for this person is half-heartedly. It frustrates me.

It Runs In The Family