The Moment

Pernahkah ada momen dimana hanya menatapnya bisa membuat kamu merasa hatimu meledak, hanya mengingat matanya kamu bisa tersenyum, dan bahkan kadang merasa seperti mendengar suaranya padahal dia nggak ada di dekat kamu?
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Alone

Yang aku takut adalah aku ada di tempat apapun yang nggak ada kamunya.
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Menikah=Negosiasi

"Menikah itu berat, Va.... Itu seperti bernegosiasi setiap hari... semua negosiasi itu sangat amat mengganggu, kecil tapi intens, mengesalkan sekali.... Dan satu-satunya yang bisa bikin Mama dan Papa bertahan adalah karena kita sangat saling mencintai, sehingga waktu sedang kesal pun, kita masih punya kemampuan untuk mengingat begitu banyak sisi baik di luar sisi mengesalkan yang dimiliki pasangan kita dan bikin kita mau hidup sama dia. Semenyebalkannya Papa, nggak pernah terlintas di benak Mama kalimat: 'Why the hell I'm his wife?'"

(L by Kristy Nelwan)

L

"L 'kan huruf sakral, bisa berarti Last atau Love. So it becomes... 'Last Love'."
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Another Spring In London

(Ullswater)


(Lake District)


"Aku benar-benar berharap kau ada di sini bersamaku sekarang... Aku merindukanmu."

Spring In London

Ada sesuatu yang ingin kukatakan kepadamu sejak dulu. Sampai sekarang aku masih belum mengatakannya karena… yah, karena berbagai alasan. Dan alasan utamanya adalah karena aku takut.
Kalau aku mengatakannya, reaksi apa yang akan kauberikan?
Apakah kau akan menerima pengakuanku?
Apakah kau akan percaya padaku?
Apakah kau masih akan menatapku seperti ini?
Tersenyum padaku seperti ini?
Atau apakah justru kau akan menjauh dariku?
Meninggalkanku?
Tapi aku tahu aku harus mengatakannya padamu. Aku tidak mungkin menyimpannya selamanya. Entah bagaimana reaksimu nanti setelah mendengarnya, aku hanya berharap satu hal padamu.
Jangan pergi dariku.
Tetaplah di sisiku.

Beequote #2

He is My Rock

Psalms 92:12-15 (HNV)
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree. He will grow like a cedar in Levanon.
They are planted in the LORD's house. They will flourish in our God's courts.
They will still bring forth fruit in old age. They will be full of sap and green,
to show that the LORD is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

(BBE)
The good man will be like a tall tree in his strength; his growth will be as the wide-stretching trees of Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord will come up tall and strong in his gardens.
They will give fruit even when they are old; they will be fertile and full of growth;
For a sign that the Lord is upright; he is my Rock, there is no deceit in him.

Not My Fairytale

No, he is not.
He is my dream come true... beyond my expectations.

Near You

Just being near you
My mind is at peace
My stormy day is calmed

First Experience

It's a first love experience
Looking at each other
Smiling shyly
Feeling nervous
Dunno what to do

beequote #1

True love stands
in the fiercest storm
and
in the soft cool breeze

Hillsongs

I, indeed, love Hillsongs :)

Heaven

I need Your love
Like the desert needs the rain
I need Your touch
Like the fire needs the flame

One moment without You near
Is heartache I cannot bear
A lifetime with You oh Lord
Is heaven I long to know
Heaven

Come cover me
Like the ocean meets the shore
Shine on my life
Like the morning steals the night

In Your Hands

I'm so secure
You're here with me
You stay the same
Your love remains
Here in my heart

So close, I believe
You're holding me now
In Your hands, I belong
You'll never let me go

You gave Your life
In Your endless love
You set me free
And show the way
And now I am found

All along
You were beside me
Even when I couldn't tell
Through the years
You show me more
Of You
More of You

Have Your Way

This yearning within me
Reaches out to You
Your oil of joy for mourning
Soaks me makes me new

And I will go to Your secret place
Bow my knee
To Your glorious throne
Have Your way in my heart O LOrd
Have Your way

I need You Holy Spirit
Fire to my soul
Consume my total being
Jesus take control

Thank You Lord

For all that You've done, I will thank You
For all that You're going to do
For all that You've promised
And all that You are
Is all that has carried me through
Jesus, I thank You

And I thank You
Thank You Lord
And I thank You
Thank You Lord

Thank You for loving and setting me free
Thank You for giving Your life just for me
How I thank You
Jesus, I thank You
Gratefully thank You
Thank You

Fall upon Your Knees

He is able to wound
He is able to heal
He is able to reprove
He is able to forgive

Though your spirit may be wounded
Or your heart be filled with grief
If you're proud you'll have no hope
But the humble no defeat

Fall upon your knees
Cry out to your maker
He will hear you
'Cause He's your secret place

Fall upon your knees
Bow before your maker
He will deliver you
"Cause He's your secret place

He gives strength to the weary
He gives power to the weak
When you go to Him in secret
And lay prostrate at His feet

I Bow My Knee (I'll love You More)

I bow my knee
I give myself
As a living sacrifice for You
I lay me down
Before Your throne
Take my past
I will stand for You

Let Your blood wash over me
Let Your blood wash over me
You have cleansed my heart
And set my spirit free

You are my Lord
I'll love You more
And follow You
No matter where, no matter when

Jesus, What A Beautiful Name

Jesus, What A Beautiful Name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Son of God, Son of Man
Lamb that was slain
Joy and peace, strength and hope
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Truth revealed, my future sealed
Healed my pain
Love and freedom, life and warmth
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Rescued my soul, my stronghold
Lifts me from shame
Forgiveness, security, power and love
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

God-sent Angel(s)

Yesterday, I skipped school. From morning till afternoon songs from Hillsongs and some other sources accompanied me.

I took time to meditate (really meditate some verses). God showed me the root of my emotional problems. I did meditation on God's Words only as a routine. To show responsibility, not love for Him and to know Him better and deeper. Moreover, I relied on myself rather than to Him, the source of my EVERYTHING.

As I meditate, some verses caught my attentions.

Psalms 119.116-117
Uphold me according to your word, that I may live. Let me not be ashamed of my hope.
Hold me up, and I will be safe, and will have respect for your statutes continually.

No wonder my emotion was shattered coz I tried to uphold myself by my own strength. And this particular verse really spoke to me. Check it out!

Isaiah 26.9, 12
With my soul have I desired you in the night. Yes, with my spirit within me will I seek you earnestly; for when your judgments are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world learn righteousness.
The LORD, you will ordain shalom for us, for you have also worked all our works for us. (HNV)

At night I long for you with all my heart; when you judge the earth and its people, they will all learn what justice is.
You will give us prosperity, LORD; everything that we achieve is the result of what you do. (GNB)

There, stated clearly. I didn't seek Him earnestly. No shalom/ peace coz I did it by myself. My soul was exhausted from doing everything by myself, affecting my emotional "disorder".

And in the afternoon, a friend asked how I was doing. I told her the truth and here was her reply:
My prayer is always be with u, sis.. He loves u so much and never give up on u. Hebrew 12.12-13. Think about His love and His kindnesses. Ask for first love. Never tired of seeking the Lord, will u? :)
Are u tired with His vision for you? These few days during prayer time, the Lord asks me to ask about your condition, i thought u were busy. That's why i didn't send u text messages. When i was reading a devotional book, i got something 4u, too. I dunno it's right or wrong, I'm just trying to say what I got. He loves you so much. Trust me (at this point I cried myself out. Admitting my fears about the future and my mistakes, my vulnerable emotion).
Ecclesiastes 4.9-10a.
Put everything under His feet. Keep calm and know that He is God. And He loves u with an unconditional love.
His love never fails, His love is eternal, unchanging. Just because u couldn't control your emotion then u feel so much guilty, and intimidated. One thing for sure, He loves us at the first place...not us. The Lord's love makes us live, so...
Never give up on ourselves, coz He never gives up on us! :)

She sent me several text messages. I read each of them with a broken heart, releasing all my depressions, and believe it or not my soul and heart (though broken) was healed at at the same time. Thinking how could He still loves me after all I've done. All things that could cause disappointments. How could He? And the songs I heard made me cry even more.

And how right were her statements about me. I felt terrible for losing control over my emotions and intimidated. (If you read this post, sis...this is my credit for you and dedicated especially to you)

One thing I could do now is...oh, I need mercy and grace to do this (I may fail, but I'll never give up): though people (students) disappoint me, I'd still love them, realizing and believing that they never meant to disappoint me. They simply dont know that that could disappoint me.

Next few posts are the (old) songs from Hillsongs that restore my soul.

And, to you, readers..thank you so much for your support :) God answered your prayers yesterday. Billions of thanks to you :)
And for someone who spared your time for me though you were sleepy and busy, thank you :) for helping me through my roughest day.

Your Love is Strong

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place



I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day



So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is strong

- Jon Foreman

(*stolen from this site)

String of (Strong) Hope and Help

Psalms 61.1-2 (GNB)
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer!
In despair and far from home I call to you! Take me to a safe refuge

Psalms 61:1-2 (BBE)
To the chief music-maker. On a corded instrument. Of David. Let my cry come to you, O God; let your ears be open to my prayer.
From the end of the earth will I send up my cry to you, when my heart is overcome: take me to the rock which is over-high for me.

Psalms 61:1-2 (MSG)
A David psalm. God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer.
When I'm far from anywhere, down to my last gasp, I call out, "Guide me up High Rock Mountain!"

Psalms 61:1-2 (YLT)
To the Overseer, on stringed instruments. --By David. Hear, O God, my loud cry, attend to my prayer.
From the end of the land unto Thee I call, In the feebleness of my heart, Into a rock higher than I Thou dost lead me.

Months of Desperation

Bulan-bulan terakhir 2009 bener2 confusing, ada banyak hal yang aku g ngerti. salah satunya dalam hubungan ma org lain. Uda serahin k Tuhan, tp aku y tetep mikiri (manusia emang gitu kan biasanya. Diserahin k Tuhan, tapi troz mikiri). Akhir tahun aku mulai ngerasa lega karena satu persatu mulai jelas dan selesai.

Dream...mati suri di tahun 2009. G tw Tuhan mw.nya kaya apa. G jelas aku bener2 mw terusin pa g. G lakukan apa2 sama sekali. G planning blas!! Dan aku g tw aku mw kaya apa. Karena kalo bukan dream yg itu (bangun skolah untuk anak2 dari kalangan ekonomi lemah), aku juga g tw mw bkarya kaya apa.

2010....masalah dream uda jelas. Tuhan kasih kesegaran baru disitu dan Ia hidupin lagi mimpi itu. Uda g da masalah ttg ini. Aku uda mulai bikin blueprint-nya.

Kerjaan...aku jalani dengan antusias CUMA sampe ptengahan januari doang. Biz itu aku mulai ngomel2 g jelas dan sensi karena ttekan ma pekerjaanku. Aku tw sbg guru di skolah skrg ini, banyak banget tuntutan yg ada. Harus ini itu dsb.

Ceritanya, aku ditunjuk temenku untuk jadi sekretaris satu event (Mission Month). Uda lama g jadi sekretaris aku jd g tw mesti ngapain, tapi y uda aku kerjakan bagianku sebaik yg aku bisa.

Pada prosesnya, ada baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyak skali revisi di proposal. Proposal ini mulai dibuat akhir januari karena event mulai akhir februari, dan mmg kudu masuk yayasan dan di-approve sebulan sebelum event mulai. Nah, dengan baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyaknya revisi, otomatis proposal saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangat terlambat masuknya ke yayasan. Sampe detik aku tulis ini mungkin masih belum di-approve juga. Soalnya tadi pagi orang yayasan bilang ada yang g cocok!!!

Aku uda stres2 kena proposal yang mbuletisasi pol, murid2ku dengan BAIKnya menambah beban pikiranku (ya benere g gitu siy, cuma karena aku lagi stres aj makanya aku nulis gitu. Mana ada murid yg mw dimarahi gurunya? Ya kan?). Akibatnya...bisa diduga, aku jadi gampang marah ma mereka karena ekspektasiku ke mereka jadi g masuk akal.

JADI...lengkap sudah!!! Aku jenuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh poooooooollllllll, ngomeeeeeeeeeeeellll mulu!!! Uda brusaha liat Tuhan dalam situasi ini, brusaha ngucap syukur. Tw g susahnya ngucap syukur dalam keadaan kaya gini? UUUUUUUhhh, kalo ngikuti kata hati...aku pengen kabur k pegunungan, nyepi, nenangin pikiran, balik2 masalah uda tuntas. Tapi mana bisa kaya gitu kan? IMpossible!!

Uda renungin Firman Tuhan, uda doa, uda confess Firman Tuhan, tapi tetep!!! Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaa...y pa niy?????

Hari ini aku mpe marahin diriku dw krn g brenti2 ngomel.

Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I need You desperately!!!!!! Tell me how to be calm. Teach me. I cant, I'm desperate, I think I'm on the brink of mental breakdown. Teach me how to trust You completely and calm myself so that I can givethanks to You.

So, readers...please pray for me. Desperately need it to get thru this... I cant wait for this upcoming school event to be held and done.

The True Joy

This is the secret of joy. We shall no longer strive for our own way; but commit ourselves, easily and simply, to God’s way, acquiesce in His will, and in so doing find our peace.
Evelyn Underhill

He (God) is glad when His face is mirrored in ours, and the rays from Him are reflected from us.
Alexander Maclaren

I got this from today's e-devotion (Inspired Faith). Hope it blesses you, as it blesses me :)

Forget?

"In case you forget who you are, turn to the people who love you. They'll remind you how beautiful you are"

That's right, plus don't forget to turn to the One who loves you unceasingly and unconditionally with an ultimate love :)

Because of your value in my eyes, you have been honoured, and loved by Me
Isaiah 43.4a (BBE)

For I am certain that nothing can separate us from His love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below---there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8.38-39 (GNB)

Sleeping Beauty (?)

*of course I am the Sleeping Beauty ^^

Remember Me...

My Heart's Desire

This is the key (...or the keys? :D ) :

Percayalah kepada TUHAN dan lakukanlah yang baik, diamlah di negeri dan berlakulah setia, dan bergembiralah karena TUHAN; maka Ia akan memberikan kepadamu apa yang diinginkan hatimu.

Serahkanlah hidupmu kepada TUHAN dan percayalah kepada-Nya, dan Ia akan bertindak; Ia akan memunculkan kebenaranmu seperti terang, dan hakmu seperti siang.

Berdiam dirilah di hadapan TUHAN dan nantikanlah Dia;
Mazmur 37.3-7a

Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:
Psalms 37.3-7a

Perfect Will

I will let Your perfect will be done in my life.
I submit to You.

I cast all my care upon You; for You care for me.
(personalized from 1 Peter 5.17)

Your Love is Enough

Coz You love me that much
Therefore, Your love is enough.

Enough, I want nothing else
but Your love.

I'll rejoice in You
coz You complete my life.

The joy of the Lord is in me
that's my strength.

I'll keep on walking in Your covenant
coz I trust You.

I know that the best is yet to come
You'll give me the desire of my heart.

So, I choose to be joyful
rejoicing in Your Words,
fixing my eyes to the fulfillment
of Your promises.