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December 30, 2010

Christmas This Year

The Christmas message I get from my hometown is from 1 Kings 19.5-7.
From the whole thing the preacher said...I only grasps: "Get up and eat! Get up and eat some more--you've got a long journey ahead of you." (Very in sync with the my yearly verse I got at Surabaya--> James 1.25).

Yes, the journey for my dream (and maybe my lovelife) is still long (in our timing; but not in God's timing). So, I need to get up and eat.

Get up earlier in the morning and eat an omer of manna (meditating God's words diligently and do it).

But who so looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

December 28, 2010

The Hatters

Mom, look what Bebe do to me!
 That's the little one (above), and this is my sister (below).
Bebe...my mom is feeding me..Leave her alone!
 This is my prince XD when I was walking around Pasar Atom with friends, I happened to see the cute hat (is it Lilo or is it Stitch?). I remember this little-cute prince, so I bought it for him. Unfortunately, he doesn't like hats. I made him wear the hat :P
Bebe, should I wear this hat?





Christmas ^^

Christmas there, casual



Christmas here, gypsy

December 11, 2010

I've Got Nothing To Lose

"What if God asked you to stop? For me, if He had asked you to build school, opened the way, gave you promises that He'll take you there; and then, He asked you to stop....well....He's cruel."'s His prerogative

"No, He isn't. It's His prerogative."

"Abraham was promised to have descendants as much as stars and sands; yet, at the end of his life, he only had 1 son. He didn't see the promise fulfilled. Is God cruel? He fulfilled His promise to Abraham, but Abraham didn't see it it in real. I believe he had seen it with his faith."

"Moses was sent to redeem his people. God told him not to enter Canaan. He was only called to take his people out of Egypt."

"Building a school is not my dream. It's his dream that's planted in my heart. If He asked me to stop, it's okay with me. I only do His dream, walk in His dream. I've got nothing to lose. Maybe He only asked me to prepare, maybe He only asked me to study so I can help others who has the same vision... I don't know. But, I've got nothing to lose."

Above conversation was between my sister, her husband, and me several months ago.

December 4, 2010

My Faith, His Dream

It's my faith, His dream

Beequote

If love is only given half-heartedly, it's not love at all.

I've never felt this way before. What I do for this person is half-heartedly. It frustrates me.

November 28, 2010

November 27, 2010

The After Effect

The "Twins"

They even have the same initial!!! BJI
Billy Jehonathan Iskandar and Beatrice Jorianna Iskandar.. LOL

November 23, 2010

Here She Is XD

She was born on Nov 20th, 2010...
I went home Friday night with my brother. My sister had asked me to help my mom taking care of her firstborn... A very active firstborn, I must say.

Aku KO di hari kedua bantuin Mami momong si mbarep, sementara yg dimomong masih seger buger lari kian kemari.

Anyway, here she is...Beatrice Jorianna Iskandar :D

The 1.5-year-younger version (twin) of her older brother ;P
Like a cocoon


November 22, 2010

Pantun

Ada buaya sedang bergaya
Orang Surabaya bernasib Sitti Nurbaya

:P

November 18, 2010

Please Welcome....

The new hair color of mine ;D


Saat2 yang mendebarkan (warnamya masuk gak ya?)
Habis kramas...seneng banget liat hasilnya XD
Finally!!! XDDDD

November 10, 2010

CHANGE!



 If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
~Maya Angelou~

Gratitude


 
 
Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. It is amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of a complaint.
(Henri Nouwen)

November 6, 2010

Unforgettable Kindness

Today is amazing :D

Aku pergi ke SMA St. Hendrikus pertama kalinya naik mobil sendiri. I've gone there once by taxi...a year ago!! Itupun sopir taksinya juga sempat bingung lewat mana.

So, I didn't really know the way. Yes, I've asked my friends how to go there, but...you know the problem of a woman with an imaginary map :P

Awalnya siy mau naik taksi, tapi akhirnya aku berubah pikiran. Sebelum jalan, aku doa supaya g tersesat. Memang g tersesat, cuma aku melanggar peraturan. Jalan yang aku ambil untuk ke SMA St. Hendrikus itu ternyata satu arah!!! Beberapa mobil nge-dim. (Mana sebelumnya juga mesin mobil sempet mati di tengah jalan yang rame!)

"Uh-oh...." Aku mulai bingung. Trus, ada sebuah mobil yang mendekat. Saya buka kaca jendela untuk bertanya, bukan untuk ngajak orang berantem.

"Mbak, ini jalan satu arah!, " kata si pengendara dengan gusar.

"Pak, saya mau ke Hendrikus..Gimana caranya?" Mungkin karena dia lihat aku bingung, dia ngasih tau dengan nada yang g setinggi sebelumnya :P

Pas putar, aku liat ada apotek. Daripada aku salah jalan lagi (karena setauku untuk ke Hendrikus dengan arah yang dikasih tau bapak tadi, berarti aku harus berputar di jalanan sempit yang rame.
Untuk ukuran kemampuan menyetirku sekarang ini, itu berarti kemacetan total di jalanan itu hehehe

So, aku masuk dan disambut dengan ramah oleh pegawainya.

"Sori, saya cuma mau tanya jalan ke Hendrikus," kataku sungkan. Dia kasih tau dengan sangat ramah.

Pas aku uda di dalam mobil mw nekat membuat kemacetan, ada pegawai lain yang deketi mobilku. Kupikir dia mau bantuin aku keluarin mobil dari area parkir apotek itu. Tapi gerak-geriknya nunjukin kalo dia mau ngomong sesuatu ma aku. Aku buka jendela dan dia bilang," Mbak, gpp kok kalo ngelawan arah, daripada mbak muter lagi. Pokoknya mbak jalannya di pinggir dan pelan. Deket kok Hendrikus dari sini, cuma 50m."

Teringat pengalaman sebelumnya yang aku di-dim bbrp mobil aku cm senyum sambil bilang ," Oh...gpp deh, mas, aku muter ae." Trus aku tanya (dengan tidak tau malu dan coba2)," Boleh nggak kalau saya nitip mobil disini?" 

"Gpp, mbak..tapi di sebelah pinggir sana ya." Tetap dengan ramah dan raut muka menyenangkan.

Uda parkir sana, aku jadi sungkan banget.. G beli apa2, eh...numpang parkir!

"Mas, gpp ta?"
 
"Iya, mbak. Gpp."
 
"Atau saya parkir depan sana aj ya?"
"Jangan, mbak! Kuatirnya ada apa2. Kalau di dalam sini aman. Gpp kok. Nanti saya beritahu manajer saya."

Oh...ada manajernya! "Saya ijin ke manajernya sendiri aj, mas."

"Belum dateng, mbak. Gpp kok. Nanti saya yang tanggung jawab."

Waduh! Tambah sungkan aku.

"Saya tinggali nomer telpon aj, mas.. Jadi nanti kalau manajernya datang dan keberatan, saya pindahin mobilnya."

"G usa jg gpp, mbak. Manajernya baik kok."
 
"Mas, saya sampe jam 4, lho." Aku mulai nitip itu jam 9.30an.
 
"Gpp. Kita buka sampe malem. Lagian kalau Sabtu biasanya sepi."
 
Anyway, I still gave him my phone number, just in case the manager objected (which I can really understand).
Sepanjang aku tadi kuliah, g da telpon sama sekali dari orang apotek tadi.
 
Sampe slesai kuliah, pas aku kesana lagi untuk pamitan, orang-orangnya masih tetep ramah dan mukanya tetap menyenangkan. Bahkan si manajer kasih tau jalan tembusan untuk ke Hendrikus. 
 
Kalau tadi dia mintain aku uang nitip mobil, aku pasti kasih. Tapi dia sama skali g minta. Dan karena lagi butuh shampo, aku beli disana (daripada keluar lagi...skalian).
 
Aku sangat terkesan dengan keramahan mereka.

Ini dia bungkus apoteknya. dan nama+alamatnya.





November 3, 2010

Anxiety

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, 
but only empties today of its strength 
~ Charles Spurgeon ~

October 30, 2010

The First

It was the first Saturday I went to study.
As I parked my car, I didn't realize that there was a kitten laying on the paved alley.

It was the first time (and I hope the last time) my car run over a living animal.
I was stunned when I got out of the car and saw it lying flat.

It was the first time I pray to Jesus for an animal (it wasn't even my pet).
During the lecture I whisper a prayer for the kitten.

Fly

Had I wings to fly
I'd float in the flow of time
Flee from this flawed world

She

was puzzled to see me there.I wanted to greet her happy birthday. She didn't smile at first. She said,"Why bother?" She smiled a bit at last. Before I went to school, I prayed for her.She wasn't reluctant.

Thanks for the idea, encouragement, and prayer, guys.

XD

October 25, 2010

Fantasy Land

Dream comes to me at night,
sneaking into reality and
takes me to the fantasy land.

She offers me storylines I can't refuse.

Adventure, suspense, drama
but never comedy.
She makes it so real that
I could feel the happiness and sadness.

When the sun awakes in his glory,
Dream bids me good bye
and promises to come
when the moon is at her peak of beauty.

October 21, 2010

HOPE

Hope is perching on my window
            offering me a hand
            to get up and take a step

Hope is a flickering light
            of a candle,
help me through the night
           of desperation

Hope is a warm blanket
           over my shoulder,
shooing away the chill of fear
           during midnight

Hope is my magic carpet
Taking me in a flight
           to the break of dawn

Hope is whistling joyful tunes
Leading me to a sunlit path,
           to the warm-and-playful summer.

September 24, 2010

As I Turn 31

I had this strange yet vivid dream. There was my lil bro, two other of the Adiwidjajas, and I. We were sitting on a porch, facing a beach.
Then I saw my late Grandpa was on a solid cloud, writing something on 2 little pieces of paper. He dropped the papers, and they were blown by the wind toward us.
My bro caught them, but then the wind blew them again toward me. They landed on the floor, so I took the paper. I don't remember exactly the message he wrote, but it was for me.
The next thing I remember was I came near him by the beach, and he said that a man was going to meet me. When I moved closer, he took a step backward. I was very near that I could see him clearly, yet I couldn't touch nor hug him the way I did.(I miss you, Gramp)
And then I walked inside the building to meet the man I didn't know who. Before long...there you were! Looking for me, trying to surprise me...and you were succeed :) I was very happy in the dream coz you and Gramp were there.

In reality...yes, I'm so happy :D You did surprised me. Thank you.

September 2, 2010

Psalms 146

Hallelujah! O my soul, praise GOD!
All my life long I'll praise GOD,
singing songs to my God as long as I live.
Don't put your life in the hands of experts
who know nothing of life, of salvation life.
Mere humans don't have what it takes;
when they die, their projects die with them.
Instead, get help from the God of Jacob,
put your hope in GOD and know real blessing!
GOD made sky and soil, sea and all the fish in it.
He always does what he says--
he defends the wronged, he feeds the hungry.
GOD frees prisoners--
he gives sight to the blind, he lifts up the fallen.
GOD loves good people,
protects strangers, takes the side of orphans and widows,
but makes short work of the wicked.
GOD's in charge--always.
Zion's God is God for good! Hallelujah!
(The Message)

Climbing Up The Mountain

I fell to a very deep valley
Valley of self-pity
I had pity party everyday
Didn't want to climb up anymore
Felt enough with everything
Didn't know the cause I fell

School became my runaway spot
Thought I could avoid
The very thing which broke my pride
....my failures....
They haunted and scolded me
That I'm a total failure

Forgot that I'm not
I'm not a failure.
How can I be one if
He who created me
is the Lord of lords
who ever prevail?

The truth of who I am in Him
Set me free as a soaring eagle.
That my worth/ pride isn't on my achievements,
perfection, standard, and performance.
My worth is simply because
I am created in God's image.

I'm climbing up the mountain
A hard work indeed,
and perseverance.
Doing it with my eyes on
the Hope Himself

No more putting my achievements,
perfection, standard, and performance
above ALL else!
No no no!!
It's Jesus who should be lifted up
high above all else.

That way, I could continue
the journey to my destination joyfully.
No more broken pride, nor dreams.
I put my pride in
who I am in Jesus only.
Good bye, Desperation...FOR GOOD!!



Yea...that's my experience after school holiday this year. What a downfall!! Never realized before that I still put my pride over my performance.

Performance includes our success in doing something; the way we dress, speak, and act; liked by everyone; doing something perfectly as our standards.

As a melancholic person, I tend to be perfectionist. I have my own standards of many things. Guess what? My standards are above average coz I craved for perfection. It made me depressed and unhappy (well, who could ever be happy when s/he is depressed?). Also, I caused my friends depressed too because of that.

My dear friend suggest me to count my blessings, never take them for granted.
Another friend gave me a book. It's not a self-help book. God used it to help me rise again. To find my vision and go with trusted friends along the way, be open and vulnerable to them, get ready to fail then rise to try again.
Jesus Himself reminded me of His promises and refreshed me with His vision. He strengthened me with new things, new revelations, new promises (Psalms 146).

I'm walking in His great favor and grace :D

Yes, I Am

...walking in His great favor and grace.

About my study. Yes, I'm the one who'll study. I might be a teacher, but still...I'm a learner :)

I've been longing to build a good school for those who can't pay much. A school that offers a good education for its students. It will be started from playgroup (pre-kindergarten). It's a kind of social work, to be honest. And....my parents haven't 100% agree with my dream.

Last month I heard a "briefing" about a higher education which offer lessons that I need to build my school. The tuition fee for 1,5 year is quite much, but I can pay it from my salary and savings.

Anyway, life is not a highway. I had to deal with my parents' approval. I know it's my life, my money...but still, they're my parents. And they have every rights to know what I'm doing with my life. So, I told them (I've told my mom about my dream). Guess what? They don't really agree.

The next storm I faced was the money. At the first time, I was so sure they'll charge me group-tuition-fee. But, I learnt that I'd be charged personal-tuition-fee. It meant I had to spend 3 million Rp more, and I couldn't afford it.

And I was thinking: "Allrite, Lord...If You don't want me to take that education now, it's OK with me. It's Your dream anyway that You plant in my heart."

Then...my friends, who also want to learn more about it, told me that finally we'll be charged group-tuition-fee PLUS maybe our school's foundation is willing to pay for us cash (of course we have to pay it back to them). It means, my expense for studying will be lower than what I predicted.

The next wonderful thing is...my Daddy said that he'll pay for my study!!!! Do you know what it means??? It means I got my parents' approval!!!! Hahahahahaha...I'm so happy and excited.

Magister Manajemen Pendidikan....Here I cooooooommmmeee!!!! (^~^)/"

I'm Walking


in His grace and favor.

August 22, 2010

Memories


With Tough Lady this year (Easter)


With family in Bali this year holiday

(Using photoscape)

Together

I just realized that I'm not that well emotionally. Thank God I realize it; so that, I can do something (surely God, too) to fix it.

All right...I don't need many people who feel that they HAVE TO come. No, I don't need them.
I just need 1 person who feels that s/he WANTS to come, WANTS to involve her/himself, WANTS to do something.
If God gives me more than 1 person, praise the Lord. If He just gives me 1 person, praise the Lord! It means s/he is the one who really care and able to WORK TOGETHER.

I've said NO to independence, and YES to interdependence.


Ecclesiastes 4:9a Two are better than one
Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.

Bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita runtuh...tapi kalo cm epok2an bersatu ya sama aj dg bcerai :P

August 16, 2010

The picture!!!



LLL was so excited and heboh when I told her about it. And even more when she saw it yesterday LOL

Hug

A hug means so much for me. It heals, restores, and comforts.

Yesterday (and last two Sundays ago) a friend came to me and gave me a big hug. She said things which encouraged me...and I cried. Hahahaha... I dunno what happen to me. Rasanya kelenjar air mataku rada lecek belakangan ini.

I thought I've passed my valley of discouragement and self-pity. God has shown His great mercy and help these past two months. Without I realized it, He has lifted me inch by inch. I thought I've passed it, but He keeps on comforting me. Heal and restore my weary soul.

Thanks to You and to you :)

August 13, 2010

Another Thing About Daddy

This year school holiday, I went with my dad, mom, and lil bro to Bali as I've posted before.
During the holiday, my daddy was busy looking for a used car (Toyota). He got some offers. Each time, he would test-drive the car to check the machine. The other thing he always did was checking the body thoroughly. He has a pair of sharp eyes that knew if the car had crashed into something or not, no matter how fine the body of the car was.
He even checked the underneath part (I dunno what the term is). He did all those for ME :,)

Yes, I have a car now :) I go to school by car this week. On Monday afternoon, on the way home, I hit a car in a junction. I was very shocked. At first, I was panicked coz I couldn't shift the gear. So...I stamped everything I could stamp. As the result, I hit the car in front of me twice if not thrice :P
The terrible feeling everytime I remembered the scene when my car coming closer to another car still makes me shiver.

Luckily, the driver suggested me to meet his employee, and his employee happened to be at the Galaxy Mall...and parent of one of my school students! And...they live near my boarding house. She was very kind and understanding. We solved the matter peacefully.

After I got home, I called my mom and told her what happened. My dad was next to my mom, so he understood what happened. My mom said,"It's OK. Do you want to talk to Daddy?" Once I talked to him, I cried and I could only say,"I'm sorry." I remembered all that he had done getting that car. All the trouble and outcome to fix the car before I brought it to Surabaya.
I felt very guilty. Moreover, I had assumed negatively of my dad's response about it. It doubled my guilty feeling. I'm sorry, Dad :(

Anyway, I thanked God coz my car is OK. My parents support me to go to school by that car :D

My Life Now

Pfffttt... after a loooooooonnnggg while... Here I am!!! ^^
Adjustment with the new routine takes time.

My students are nice and cute... and likes to talk for sure. They're smart, yet they're careless. Seems like I "kena batunya". After successfully avoiding paper works as a religion-character teacher, now I've to dealt with their hand-writings. Tiffany has a very neat and beautiful hand-writing, but a boy has a very terrible hand-writing. I can't read his...and neither do he. Can you believe that? He can't read his own hand-writing!!!

I just checking their homeworks...and guess what? This boy pasted LLL's picture as an editor in his Science homework about stages of development. I've taken some pictures of it, but can't upload them now. Hopefully soon :D

July 16, 2010

Counting My Blessing


I'm learning
to count my blessings
everyday
Won't take it for granted anymore

July 6, 2010

Back to School

My holiday will end soon
As the clock strikes 00.00

School, here I come
With a fresh mind and new spirit

July 2, 2010

Me vs Myself

I'm a cruel and revengeful person. I can do tenfold (even hundredfold) crueler than what you did to me.
I can be a totally different person from what you see me daily. Double personality? Perhaps, I dunno. And I don't care what it's called.

My personality is the root of my complication these last two days.

For me, the cruelest thing ever takes place in the world is indifference. O yeah, war is cruel and hatred can trigger killing. But, in war and hatred you still think of your enemy. While indifference is not.

Let me give you an example of indifference. Let's say there are 3 boys (ABC) involved in a fighting. It was because A looked for a trouble, he started it first. Then accidentally, A and B fell because they were tripped. A was hurt, B wasn't. Now, A is a smart student and belongs to the top class. B isn't smart and belongs to 'garbage' class. B is blamed and must be punished.

You are B's friend and you saw how it happened. B asks you to defend him. If you are indifference, you'll say no. Now, it's cruel, isn't it? Considering you are B's friend.

I know what must do, but I'm struggling with myself.
Here it is: LOVE vs INDIFFERENCE or FORGIVENESS vs INDIFFERENCE.
I want to do the right thing, but then I'm against myself. And it's hard to knock off my cruel-and-revengeful self these last two days.

July 1, 2010

I DON"T CARE!!!!!!

It was because I said,"Close the lid!!" to him.

Tell me what should I do in that kind of situation when my sister was screaming so loud?
Say it softly? Do you think he could hear it?
NONSENSE!!!!!

I won't say anything anymore to him.

Only You Can

This is me, Lord
With all my weaknesses
With all my disappointments
desperation and bitterness

Heal me, O Lord
Restore my soul
Heal my broken heart
Make me whole again

O sweet Jesus,
I lift my hands to You
in my desperation
towards myself

It's me
come to You
Sinful and broken
Nothing is hidden from You

It's me, Lord
I need You
Only You
Yes, only You can make me whole again

June 30, 2010

Up To You

"Everything I do is always wrong!!"

Fine! I won't say a thing to you anymore!
Live your life as you wish, I don't care!

Thank God I Found You

You see the real me
You heard me crying
You know how complicated I am
How fragile I am
How bad my temper is
Yet you still love me
You pray for me
Support me

Your love isn't just words
I thank God for you

Are you strong enough to support me
for the rest of our lifetime?
Aren't you get tired of it someday?

Honey, I love you.
I don't make a mistake,
I know it for sure,
This is not a mistake.

Songs of Praises

I Sam 16:23
And it came to pass, when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.



How true it is! There's power in songs of praise. My mind stopped thinking of bad things when I turned on one of my spirit-lifter songs.

Mayday

Mayday..Mayday..This is Bee12 requesting for a help..Mayday...I'm heading to a very passive and unresponsive state about anything..Mayday...

The cruelest scenes I may do are spinning around and around
I'm unable to stop it

I'm not a tough girl
I'm weak and fragile

It's been a while
since our last meeting
and I don't see any improvements
AT ALL!!!!

What do you want?
Don't want me to care?
Granted!

Don't want me to fuss about your absence?
Granted!

I'll give you what you want.
Don't blame me if I don't care AT ALL about you!
Don't you dare!

Mayday...Mayday..Bee12 is in a bad situation..She collapses to a convenient zone..Mayday..Mayday...

What Did I Do?????

So suck when somebody blame you for something that you didn't do.

This morning, I experienced it. Last night, my brother came home bringing geckos in a box. He didn't bring the key, so I opened the door for him. I was in his room watching Japan-Paraguay. As I walked out his room, my foot stepped on a small house lizard!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! I never fond of house lizard. And when I saw him, he brought a box. I asked him what was it, and he said "Gecko". Automatically, I stayed away from him, and escaped to his room. (can you see the correlation?)

This morning, I asked him where he put the geckos, and he point to a place. Then, we went out to the patio, gathered with our parents, sister, and nephew. He went in first. As my sister went in, she screamed coz she saw him held a gecko in his hands. He got mad coz he didn't mean to scare her. He stormed to his bedroom. My nephew cried so hard, while his mum was numb...very shocked. I went into my bedroom and locked it. So much for a good morning.

Then, my sister apologized to him. And, unbelievably...he said," I was angry to what C deb said."

WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?????? Get real!!! What did I say? What did I do?

June 28, 2010

Holiday

After a looooooooooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg while... :) I'm back! Hopefully I can post something everyday. The problem is the slow connection of my internet provider :P
How r u, bloggers?

Anyway..I'm in school holiday. I can wake up late (very late) hahaha
I just finished my driving lesson (yeyyyy!!!) but I haven't had a driving license. I went to Bali with my parents and brother for 5 days. We went to Bedugul and stayed there only for a night. It was crazily very cold. Brrrrrrr!!!

Then spent 3 days at Kuta. I'm sunburnt!!! My face is red, but around my eyes is white (glasses). It was because I didn't put on my hat when we were at Tanah Lot. I thought it was cloudy :(

I got my nails decorated (i don't know the term) by a woman for Rp 10.000 at the last day at Kuta. NO, I didn't braid my hair nor tattoo my arm/ankle coz my skin is sensitive. I bought some bangles (I never had one).. which is so not me :)

Tough Lady also spent holiday there...too bad I couldn't meet her. But she met my brother :(

I met a friend also there. He helped my family found a place to stay at Kuta and tour-guided us :)

Well..for the rest of the holiday...I guess I must go to the police station to get my driving license.

Talking about driving lesson, LLL's li'l sister also has hers this holiday :) what a coincidence.

May 12, 2010

Beequote #4


'cause we need God

April 22, 2010

Hohoho...

Wednesday, April 21st was Kartini Day, also the day I was summoned by my headmistress. To cut the story short...



For grade 3 :)

April 20, 2010

OH Noooooo.... (I'll think about it)

From April 19-April 21, the headmistress is calling all the teachers who prolong their contracts. She'll inform us the title (class teacher/ subject teacher/ grade leader), the class we're in, and the IMPORTANT thing to survive on this earth: SALARY :D

My friend told me that there is a rumor: "One subject teacher from grade 3 will be a class teacher. Everybody guesses it's me (Debby)."

Frankly speaking, I like being a religion-character teacher. I don't have to deal with numbers, and memorizing things (well, only Bible verses). A class teacher must teach 4 subjects: Math, Indonesian, Social studies, and Science.

Since I was a fifth grader, I hate Math. Because I wasn't good at Math, I had to join additional class after school. It started at 2.30pm if I'm not mistaken, and ended at 5pm. There were two sessions, and there was a recess in between.

One day, I failed to solve Math problems on time, so the teacher wouldn't let me had my recess. I had to finish all the problems correctly. I couldn't do them correctly until the recess time was over. Since that moment I hate Math.

In Indonesia, the report to parents are written in numbers. For Math...once in my life, I got 5 which means not good, below average. I forget when...either in fifth grade or sixth grade. My mom was disappointed and angry. I couldn't do anything to make myself liking Math. I think Math is my nemesis :P

Well..if the headmistress offers me to be a class teacher for next school year...I have to think about it seriously.

I know that there are lots of "benefits" as a class teacher. I can develop a deeper relationship with my students, I can impart values to them, touch their deepest soul, plus... I can get my NUPTK which will give me monetary benefit. But that's not the point because in order to get NUPTK I've to prepared lots of things, and it takes lots of time.

Anyway...I've to be ready with whatever Life brings to me.

Teacher is NOT a SAFE Job!!!

I always thought: What harm can an elementary student do to their teacher? NOTHING!!
Well..I was wrong.

Yesterday, as the bell rang - a sign for the first and second graders that their recess has over - a first grader came to me.
"Miss, what time is it?" As he asked, his lunchbox fell and landed on my left foot. It hurt so much!!!
"OUCH!!!" My facial expression showed that I hurt so much.
The boy took his lunch box and said," Miss, what time is it?"
I grabbed his shoulder and asked," What should you say to me?"
"What time is it, Miss?"
I cupped his face in my hands, looked straight into his eyes,"WHAT-should-you-SAY-to-me?"
Grinned, he said,"I'm sorry, Miss... Miss, what time is it?"
ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH... can you imagine? I pointed a clock on the canteen wall, and off he went to see it more clearly.

I took off my shoe to check, and surprised to see my toe - the second one from left side - was bleeding. It was skinned and bleed.

Students have potential to harm their teachers...accidentally of course.

April 5, 2010

Would you be broken?



Would you be broken as bread
to feed the hungry for Me?
Would you be poured out as wine
upon the altar for Me?
Would you be so one with Me
that I may do just as I will?
To make you salt and make light
as what I will


I would be broken as bread
to feed the hungry for You
I would be poured out as wine
upon the altar for You
I would be so one with You
that You may do just as You will
To make me salt and make light
as what You will

March 28, 2010

The Second Mile

BRAKKK!!!
Kubuka pintu itu dengan kasar, and I stomed in angrily, hurt, and bitter.
Kulihat dia duduk seperti biasa, as if he'd predicted I'd be doing it.

"Sudah! Cukup!" kataku sambil mengangkat tangan, menyerah...kalah,"Aku MUAK dengan apa yang kualami selama BERTAHUN-TAHUN! Like a curse that can't be broken down, for YEARS! YEARS! I've through it over and over again, all ALONE!! All those disobedience! Pemberontakan, tidak ada penundukan diri pada otoritas! Seakan tidak ada habisnya! CUKUP! Aku mau berhenti, mutung, desersi!! I'm done with it!"

"Go for the second mile!" katanya...dengan tetap tenang, tidak terpengaruh sama sekali dengan suasana hatiku.

"WHATTTT??? I CAN'T!! You know that very well! No way! I won't!!"

"Deb, go for the second mile!"

"I can't!! I don't want to! I'm tired and Weak! And I'm SICK with what I must do, to understand their reasons for doing what they did."

"My grace is sufficient for you. In fact, when you're weak, I'm strong. Trust me, Deb! Do it, then the curse will be taken away, doors will be opened when you do it. Annointing will be poured out when you humbly go for the second mile."

"It HURTS!! Sakit, pedih, perih, sedih... My heart is broken again and again. I've done what I must do, but they remain the same. I'm tired," kataku sambil tersedu tak berdaya, "Aku nggak sanggup lagi menanggung semuanya, Tuhaaaaaannn."

"Indeed hurts.. I know, Deb, I know. I'm with you through it all, (and I've been there) so I know how it feels. Ada upah yang menunggu. Upahmu sudah menunggu. Keep on doing it, Deb. Go for the second mile! Not by your power nor might, but by My Spirit. Go, My child!"

Kupejamkan mataku, menarik nafas dalam-dalam, dan kuhembuskan perlahan.

"I'll do it for You. Okay, I'll go. Anyway, I'm going to need Your help for sure here and there."


I know what you do; I know that you have a little power; you have followed my teaching and have been faithful to me. I have opened a door in front of you, which no one can close.

"I see what you've done. Now see what I've done. I've opened a door before you that no one can slam shut. You don't have much strength, I know that; you used what you had to keep my Word. You didn't deny me when times were rough.
(Rev 3.8-GNB, The Message)

"The people I love, I call to account--prod and correct and guide so that they'll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!
(Rev 3.19-The Message)

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents.
Sebab itu jadilah penurut-penurut Allah, seperti anak-anak yang kekasih
(Eph 5.1-The Message, LAI)

But his answer was: "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak." I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me.

and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
(2 Cor 12.9-GNB, The Message)

The angel told me to give Zerubbabel this message from the LORD: "You will succeed, not by military might or by your own strength, but by my spirit.
(Zec 4.6-GNB)

March 27, 2010

Just For A While



AMEN!!!

Punctual???

Everyone May, but NOT a Leader



Everyone may quit,
but not a leader
Everyone may be in the dungeon of self-pity,
but not a leader
Everyone may come late,
but not a leader
Everyone may sit at the back,
but not a leader
Everyone may be in their own comfort zone,
but not a leader
Everyone may neglect their responsibilities,
but not a leader
Everyone may be absurd,
but not a leader
Everyone may do anything as they wish,
but not a leader
Everyone may look for a substitute,
but not a leader
Everyone may be a mediocre,
but not a leader

WHY NOT???

March 22, 2010

Lukewarm



"I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot--far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit.
(Revelation 3.15-16)-The Message)

I know what you have done; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were either one or the other! But because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am going to spit you out of my mouth!
(Revelation 3.15-16)-GNB)

That's my condition in the past few weeks. I hate this coz I feel so TERRIBLE!!
I've lost my zeal in doing anything.

Yes, outwardly I still doing things I must do, but without enthusiasm. Inwardly, I don't do them out of love. I supposed to do things out of gratitude and love. They become my routine nowadays. I have so little strength to do anything, coz I've lost my first love to Jesus.

Yesterday, the sermon was actually about bringing down the kingdom of Heaven. Yet, I was so much strengthened by a verse the preacher mentioned:

"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: "This is the message from the one who is holy and true. He has the key that belonged to David, and when he opens a door, no one can close it, and when he closes it, no one can open it. I know what you do; I know that you have a little power; you have followed my teaching and have been faithful to me. I have opened a door in front of you, which no one can close. (Revelation 3.7-8)

And this one (from my own):

"To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: "This is the message from the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand and who walks among the seven gold lampstands. I know what you have done; I know how hard you have worked and how patient you have been. I know that you cannot tolerate evil people and that you have tested those who say they are apostles but are not, and have found out that they are liars. You are patient, you have suffered for my sake, and you have not given up. But this is what I have against you: you do not love me now as you did at first. Think how far you have fallen! Turn from your sins and do what you did at first. If you don't turn from your sins, I will come to you and take your lampstand from its place. (Revelation 2.1-5)

For a while, I've slipped into the so-called comfort zone. I used to take care of 3 girls, which lately never keep in touch with me anymore. Then, I'm "enjoying" my complaints about my authority at work, and friends in ministry. Also, I never spent quality time with Jesus anymore, which actually is the main reason I'm being lukewarm.

So, I'll do what I did. Spending quality time with Jesus, taking care of some girls again, and...the hardest part: stop complaining, and start blessing my authority and friends. So that I won't be stagnant, and there are opened doors in my job and ministry.

March 17, 2010

It Is

I stole this piece from this


It's nice to know that you're secured with that someone. That even if the rain is pouring hard and the sky is almost dark, he'll never leave you just so you won't feel alone. Even if his friends had left him (and even if he has to be somewhere else) he'd still stay by your side, just so you won't feel alone.

It's so good to know that you have someone who'll be willing to help you cope up in every frustration you're having. Every depressing moments, every down moments, every self-worthless-realization moments, he'd be there, not because you want someone to be with you, but because he wants to be with you.

It's great to know when a person appreciates every little thing you do. Even a smile would mean a lot to him, just because you own that smile. And that even if no words are expressed as long as the eyes understand, you'd be able to communicate, just like that.

It's overwhelming when a person tells you that he loves you for who you are. He may not have an answer when you ask him why, but really, he doesn't have to have reasons for loving you.

It's more grateful to know that someone is grateful to have you. We don't choose the people who enter our lives, so it must be luck that you have that person, and then you have to be thankful. It may just be coincidence or fate, but whatever the reason is, you have to be thankful in having him the same way he is thankful for having you.

It's a wonderful feeling when you're on the verge of giving up the things you've worked hard for, someone isn't just helping you carry the weight on your shoulders, but he carries it on his own because he'd also be in pain when you are in pain. And then you'll realize, trials would all be worth it as long as you have him, not because he would do things for you, but because you gather all the strength you need, in him and his love.

It's a superb feeling when one is willing to take the risks just so you'll be happy. Unselfishness rules in him, just so happiness would take over you.

It's a nice feeling that when you're apart, and days seem to be long, that person misses you. Yes, you might feel bad about not being with each other, but knowing that you feel the same way would drive those blues away, thinking, you'd fight over that feeling because you're looking forward to seeing each other, and that's something to be happy about.

It's a great feeling when he wants to be with you because of the happiness you have when you're together. Even if corny jokes and senseless stories are told, it won't matter as long as you're together.

It's a lovely feeling when someone thinks about your future, with or without him. He cares and he cares enough to think of you and what you'll be someday. But of course, he also wants to be in it someday.

It's a nice feeling when you can be who you really are with that person. No pretensions, no lies, no hypocrisy, because he accepts you for who you are. You can be funny, you can be embarrassed, but it won't matter coz it doesn't matter to him. Trust and faith in each other keeps you alive. And it will always do.

It's good to know that you have someone who'll not have the intentions of breaking your heart. Instead, he would be willing to mend it, picking up the broken pieces of your heart that your past love has scattered in the ground. He may not be able to put the pieces back to where they really belong, but you shouldn't mind, because he had repaired that heart of yours, and he fixed it in his own way. He loves you in his own way, not the way your past did. He fixed your heart in a different way, to keep you from feeling the pains of your past heartache and to make you feel, the love, that he's unselfishly giving.

It's a great feeling when that person has every effort to let you feel what he feels for you. Because of the distractions, you may not hear him shout it to the world, but as long as you feel it, his efforts have paid off, big time. And when you feel the same way too... He'd feel as if he's the luckiest person alive.

... when in fact, you're more blessed to have him.

March 4, 2010

Beequote #3


Though my life is MY choice
but there will always be
DIVINE INTERVENTIONS
here and there


My choice intertwines with God's interventions.

Prayer


Prayer is request. The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of course He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them.

C. S. Lewis


Prayer is a real relationship, not magic. When we ask Him for good gifts—something He encourages us to do—we should remember that we’re talking to someone who loves us, wants what’s best for us, and knows what we really need.

(taken from Inspired Faith)

March 2, 2010

Great Quote



"Janganlah desak aku meninggalkan engkau dan pulang dengan tidak mengikuti engkau; sebab ke mana engkau pergi, ke situ jugalah aku pergi, dan di mana engkau bermalam, di situ jugalah aku bermalam: bangsamulah bangsaku dan Allahmulah Allahku; di mana engkau mati, akupun mati di sana, dan di sanalah aku dikuburkan. Beginilah kiranya TUHAN menghukum aku, bahkan lebih lagi dari pada itu, jikalau sesuatu apapun memisahkan aku dari engkau, selain dari pada maut!"




"Don't entreat me to leave you, and to return from following after you, for where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God; where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death part you and me."

Test, Grace, and Plot





The harder the test
The cooler the grace
The crazier the plot

March 1, 2010

Love and Beauty

“Lord, I have this thorn in the flesh. I beseech You, deliver me from it, but meanwhile I bless You for it; for though I do not understand the why or the wherefore of it, I am persuaded there is love within it. Therefore, while I ask You to remove it, so far as it seems evil to me, yet wherein it may to Your better knowledge work for my good, I bless You for it, and I am content to endure it so long as You see fit.”



Got it from Inspired Faith, and it speaks to me more than I can say here :)

And this morning, when I was at the bemo, I thought about a passage in the Bible about Naomi. She left her hometown in order to survive; yet, she lost her beloved husband and sons in Moab (the city where they lived as strangers). Then she decided to go back to Bethlehem, her hometown.

I was thinking: "God, why did You let her went through such an agony?" when He spoke softly to me,"It happened for a greater purpose. To call Ruth to Bethlehem, to serve my divine purpose. Can you see Me at work through the agony Naomi had to endure? I brought her happiness through Ruth, Boaz, and Obed. Everything is beautiful in the due time."

I believe, Dad, that what I must endure now is to bring out the glow in me. My true color in You coz You love me so much. And at the due time, I'll bring glory to Your name and I shall say: "My eyes had seen the Lord".

February 23, 2010

The Moment


Pernahkah ada momen dimana hanya menatapnya bisa membuat kamu merasa hatimu meledak, hanya mengingat matanya kamu bisa tersenyum, dan bahkan kadang merasa seperti mendengar suaranya padahal dia nggak ada di dekat kamu?
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Alone


Yang aku takut adalah aku ada di tempat apapun yang nggak ada kamunya.
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Menikah=Negosiasi


"Menikah itu berat, Va.... Itu seperti bernegosiasi setiap hari... semua negosiasi itu sangat amat mengganggu, kecil tapi intens, mengesalkan sekali.... Dan satu-satunya yang bisa bikin Mama dan Papa bertahan adalah karena kita sangat saling mencintai, sehingga waktu sedang kesal pun, kita masih punya kemampuan untuk mengingat begitu banyak sisi baik di luar sisi mengesalkan yang dimiliki pasangan kita dan bikin kita mau hidup sama dia. Semenyebalkannya Papa, nggak pernah terlintas di benak Mama kalimat: 'Why the hell I'm his wife?'"


(L by Kristy Nelwan)

L


"L 'kan huruf sakral, bisa berarti Last atau Love. So it becomes... 'Last Love'."
(L by Kristy Nelwan)

Another Spring In London


(Ullswater)


(Lake District)


"Aku benar-benar berharap kau ada di sini bersamaku sekarang... Aku merindukanmu."

Spring In London


Ada sesuatu yang ingin kukatakan kepadamu sejak dulu. Sampai sekarang aku masih belum mengatakannya karena… yah, karena berbagai alasan. Dan alasan utamanya adalah karena aku takut.
Kalau aku mengatakannya, reaksi apa yang akan kauberikan?
Apakah kau akan menerima pengakuanku?
Apakah kau akan percaya padaku?
Apakah kau masih akan menatapku seperti ini?
Tersenyum padaku seperti ini?
Atau apakah justru kau akan menjauh dariku?
Meninggalkanku?
Tapi aku tahu aku harus mengatakannya padamu. Aku tidak mungkin menyimpannya selamanya. Entah bagaimana reaksimu nanti setelah mendengarnya, aku hanya berharap satu hal padamu.
Jangan pergi dariku.
Tetaplah di sisiku.

Beequote #2


He is My Rock


Psalms 92:12-15 (HNV)
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree. He will grow like a cedar in Levanon.
They are planted in the LORD's house. They will flourish in our God's courts.
They will still bring forth fruit in old age. They will be full of sap and green,
to show that the LORD is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

(BBE)
The good man will be like a tall tree in his strength; his growth will be as the wide-stretching trees of Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord will come up tall and strong in his gardens.
They will give fruit even when they are old; they will be fertile and full of growth;
For a sign that the Lord is upright; he is my Rock, there is no deceit in him.